Twenty Seventeen

I've liked you too much since day one, that's true enough. But for those first several years, we'd only ever see each other every few months, and besides… it's not like either one of us was available. So in those early days, it was manageable, cute even. I'd get a bit of a buzz when I did get to talk to you, but it would eventually pass, and I'd go back to my normal life.

That all changed nearly three years ago. I don't remember the exact day, but definitely this time of year. And not a day — not an hour — has gone by since then that I haven't thought of you.

That's when I lost control.

Right?

Memory is a funny thing. And photographs…

Photographs.

A photo from 2017 popped up in my memories tab. Three years before what I think of as the tipping point… I had made a change. It didn't last. I didn't like the result. I was frustrated with a thing, and I wanted to just go ahead and take it to its logical conclusion, just to see.

That was silly enough, but looking at those photos… I remembered…

There was also a little voice in the back of my head suggesting you might like it.

Lol.

That little voice was a goober, mind you, whether he was wrong or right. It's not his fault. He was flailing. He didn't know enough yet. But that's beside the point.

I was already making decisions based at least in part on how I thought you might like the result.

In 2017.

Oh, it's true enough. I hadn't completely lost my grip yet, but in retrospect it's clear this thing had a particular trajectory. And so long as we were in each other's lives, there wasn't anything in this universe that could stop it.

I wish I could remember when that night in my car was. 2018? 2019? Winter, one way or the other, and so, so cold.

That was the last time you and I have ever been together in private.

I think about that night sometimes. I wonder if you felt it, too, or if it was just my imagination… wishful thinking. You hesitated before you got out, I swear you did…

And I wonder what would happen if it happened now.

I've been wondering about it a lot since I saw you last week. We weren't even alone, and yet…

The energy was unmistakable.

Oh, my dear lady… From the moment you walked into my life… There was only one way this was going to go.

The questions now are simple, really… even if the answers are not.

What are we going to do about it?

And wanna go for a drive?